Awakened

So this weekend my team and I helped with a retreat called an Awakening. I won't go into all the little details of what goes into one, but I just wanted to share what my experience was. I usually go into retreats hoping and praying that I will be used by God to minister to the kids and while I was hoping for this, I was really struggling with depression this weekend. For as long as I can remember I have battled with depression and usually I am able to combat it well, but it hit me really hard the day we left for the retreat.

On Friday night we did an activity in which we had to pick one of the many different paintings in front of us that best described our faith life. I wanted to pick the one with the man holding a little girl's hand and using an umbrella to shield her from outside things, but the painting that I most related to was one of a miserable clown clothed in black and white surrounded by a harsh spotlight. It was weird for me to admit that, to be honest with myself and God that I didn't feel as though my relationship with God was in a bright and happy place.

That night we also had a forgiveness talk by named David Casey. I am interning under David and his wife, Diedra, at their youth group at Our Lady of the Valley parish. David started out his talk by giving us pennies, symbolizing a person or an event or sin, whatever we thought needed to be forgiven, gave his talk and then played music, giving us time to place our pennies in a vase filled with water, symbolizing God’s sea of forgetfulness. There were some memories from my childhood that I have struggled and struggled with for many years and that night I decided to give up my pride and humble myself before God, choosing to forgive as He has forgiven me, giving Him those memories. 

On Saturday we had multiple talks and activities, fun and serious. Melissa, one of my teammates, gave an amazing talk on a certain aspect of our relationships with God. She talked about how, when she was younger, she had a hard time looking people in the eyes and struggled with self-esteem. At one point she asked us to write down what we feared that God thought about us. After that we were supposed to write what we hope He thought about us. I realized that the seemingly harmless fears that constantly clouded my mind when I was with my teammates had transferred to fears I had about what God thought of me.

I thought that God (and my team) saw me as worthless and not worth His time, that I was His big mistake. I hoped that God wasn’t ashamed of me, that He liked me how I was, and that He had a plan for me, but those two lists were extremely different, and at that point I knew that I believed in the wrong one.

Later I got a letter from one of my teammates who didn’t come on the retreat, but this was no ordinary letter. Kristen is absolutely hilarious person who wrote a story for each of us Reachers who were helping out. She started mine out in a way that struck a chord so deep in me that I started crying reading it.

“One day in a castle in a land far, far away in the Tri-Cities of WA, lived a chaste and modest princess named Elizabeth…”

 

I’m the kind of person who loves stories, especially ones that involve princesses. Yes, I had read all those Christian princess stories as a little girl, but the idea of being a princess hadn’t really hit me hard until that night. I felt more like the village prostitute, not the beloved daughter of the King. Kristen wrote this very humorous, but sweet story about me and, through someone else’s eyes, I was able to glimpse what another person saw when she looked at me. She didn’t see a failure. She saw a princess. I haven’t known Kristen for very long, though our team is very close, but she remembered little details she has gleaned about me since we met and put them in the story. In one part of the story, she wrote that my prince charming bought me socks to woo me. To other people, that just sounds random and silly, but actually Kristen remembered the story I told her of the time my mom bought me socks as a random gift one day and it made me feel so loved that I still talk about how much I cherish them. She also remembered that I consider children to be incredible blessings, so I would love, God willing, to have many. So she wrote in the Epilogue that my husband and I had 25 children. Little things like that, she remembered. The fact that she took note of these things surprised me because it showed that she truly cared about getting to know me.

I was overwhelmed by the realization that Kristen had a good opinion of me and that God had a better opinion of me than those people around me, that His love is constant and always there. I went down to my room, actually a classroom, after we had made sure all the kids had gone to bed and stared bleakly at the blank chalkboard in front of me.

Picking up a piece of chalk, I wrote “I am cherished.”

BAM. One kick in satan’s pants.

“I have worth.”

BAM. Second kick.

“I am funny.”

BAM.

“I am not too much.”

“I am not unlovable.”

“I am worth getting to know.”

“I am not stupid.”

“I have good things to say.”

“I am worth cherishing.”

“I am not afraid of men.”

“I am CONFIDENT.”

“I am not afraid.”

“I am Christ’s hands and feet, but mostly His Heart.”

“I am acceptable.”

“I am not afraid of Beauty,”

“I am Creative.”

“I am kind.”

“I am not mean.”

“I am gentle.”

“I am filled with joy.”

“I am Simple.”

“I am a part of His plan.”

 

I sat back, looking at my work, at the truths I had written. These truths had, for many years, been considered as lies, but I was just recognizing them for what they really were and I was realizing who I really was. I was and am good, and was created to be good.

Just yesterday and today I was studying the Gospel reading for next week, which is Luke 18:9-14, the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector. I got many things from it, but one thing I realized is that the Pharisee, who was self-righteous, judged himself by comparing himself to others, while the Tax Collector judged himself by God’s standards and repented. For too long I have tried to see through others’ eyes and see if they liked me to judge whether I was likable or not. I based my self-worth on what I thought other people were thinking, which is a really bad idea! While there are always improvements that can be made in me, this does not make God love me less. I don’t have to be perfect to be loved and His love is not based on my performance. Even though I still have a hard time accepting this, now I know that God isn’t calling me to sacrifice or make myself better out of a desire to be loved by Him, because I will always have His love, but rather I should do these things to love Him back, to reciprocate my love for Him. Such a boundless joy will spring from this sort of love! Thank you Lord for letting me lean on you while you heal this fear in me. I praise your holy and wondrous name!

Random Musings?

⁵ And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.” ⁶ The Lord replied, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you would say to [this] mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you. ⁷ Who among you would say to your servant who has just come in from plowing or tending sheep in the field, ‘Come here immediately and take your place at table’? ⁸ Would he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare something for me to eat. Put on your apron and wait on me while I eat and drink. You may eat and drink when I am finished’? ⁹ Is he grateful to that servant because he did what was commanded? ¹⁰ So should it be with you. When you have done all you have been commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do.’”

 

5. Here the apostles are responding to Jesus after He tells them hard teachings on forgiveness and sin and serving the poor.

So the apostles (note, the word apostles, not disciples as in the previous passage) respond saying, “Lord, increase our faith.”  They recognize the struggle in their hearts, to refuse forgiveness and to not desire earthly riches. It’s a cry of desperation, similar to the cry the centurion makes: “Lord I believe, help my unbelief!”

6. Here the Lord replies in a somewhat confusing manner. Many people find this verse as encouraging. If we have faith as small as the size of a seed, we can do great things. But I see this verse as saying, even if you have the smallest faith, this faith still counts because it isn’t about the size of your faith, it is about having faith in a great God. God is so big, as long as we have a little faith, He can work with it. God can use even those who struggle with having “great faith”, as long as they have faith in Him.

I also really appreciate the use of the mustard seed and mulberry tree in this verse. One could translate this verse as, “Look at the mustard seed! Do you see its faith? Be like the mustard seed!” The idea of commanding a tree, even speaking to a tree and to expecting it to obey puts the tree on a level higher than it really is, almost as though the tree could respond. Well, maybe trees can respond. Maybe they do have spirits. This verse says that the tree would obey you. It would obey you. Just food for thought, this idea of trees and mustard seeds having spirits.

7. I love how Jesus switches gears so quickly. He never misses a beat but goes right on driving His point home. A few thoughts about this verse. The servant has come in from plowing the field or tending the sheep. As Christians, one way we serve God is by sharing the Gospel with His children. Plowing a field is difficult, and I’m not talking about the modern way we do it. Plowing a field was strenuous work, tasking and sweaty. Plowing spiritual fields, getting them ready for seed, is also difficult. This passage really reminded me of the parable of the seeds, with rocky soil, weeds, etc. Plowing the difficult field to ready it for soil is extremely difficult. As a missionary, I am charged with the responsibility of plowing my own field and the fields of others. Tending Christ’s flock is difficult in a similar way. This is making sure that His believers are being taken care of, being fed and watered and watched after, not letting wolves come and cull the flock. Sheep are by far some of the stupidest animals. When I raised sheep for 4-H (yes I was one of them), I would constantly think, “Don’t they know that I am the one who gives them all they need? And they won’t even come close to me! They just take and take, and I keep giving. I am their protection, and they don’t even care that I give them all they need. When will they realize that they can’t survive without me?” It is hard and frustrating work to care for sheep!

One would think, after working hard plowing or taking care of those stupid sheep, I would get some rest. After all, I did what I was supposed to do, right? I mean, Lord, I plowed the soil of their hearts and I took care of your people! Can I just be rewarded please? 

8. But the Gospel says that instead, we are asked to wait on the table of God Himself. No rest for the weary, but more work. “Put on your apron.” Get dirty and serve, even after working hard all day for the Master.

9, 10. The big catch is that a master isn’t grateful to his servant when the servant does what he is required to do. It is a given, not an extra.  That is a really hard thing to hear, especially in a society where rewards are nearly always expected, but we are obliged to serve. I was discussing this with a youth group and when I asked what they thought about not expecting a reward from God, a teenager explained it in a beautiful way. “I guess I’m ok with it because Jesus gave us the reward before we did anything. So us serving Him is an act of love.”

I think that is the pivotal point of this passage. Sometimes we do things for God and expect blessings for it, but really we should be responding to His sacrifice that He already made.

The apostles start by asking for an increase in faith, and Jesus responds by saying, have faith in a God bigger than you and give to God all that you have without expecting anything back. That is unconditional service and love, which God requires of us.

Just food for thought.

Reach Update- Women's Retreat

Well, I'm deep into training for Reach Youth Ministry. Community life is difficult and today I just needed some alone time. I guess I knew Reach was going to be hard, but I didn't expect the atmosphere to be so...well, unchristian like. I thought that after the women's retreat yesterday and today, maybe us ladies would be strongly bonded, but I am disappointed that some of the people here just talk a lot and don't do much.
Regardless of a few people who make community life really, really hard, there are some very nice girls here and the women's retreat was very nice! Reach paid for us to go to Boulder Hot Springs for the day to relax and get closer to each other and to God. They also bought us a book for women called Praying Our Lives, a compilation of prayers, scripture, and an invitation to make prayer an every-moment endeavor. Ashley, our associate director, along with Deidre Casey, a wonderful leader in youth ministry in Helena, were the coordinators for this wonderful time together. After making dinner together, we spent some time worshiping the Lord with music. Deidre and her husband are sought after musicians in these parts, so it was really cool that I and Susie, one of the other team members, got to lead with her. I even got to lead a few songs! There were many other things we did together, but I think worship was the best for me. The presence of God was so very tangible in that crammed little living room!
Reach is hard. Every day I am attacked for trying to live a life of holiness, encouragement, and purity. It is so sad to me that we are supposed to be getting ready to minister to youth, to show them the light of life with Christ, and their lives are so contrary to what we are supposed to be doing.
I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I mess up every single day and don't have strength except for what the Lord gives to sustain me. It is frustrating for me to be harassed and then ignored because I choose not to engage in certain behaviors with them...
Lately I have felt so very thankful for the opportunity to grow in patience and love for others but this very evening I am feeling a bit discouraged...maybe I'll give a happier update next time...

In the mean time, here are pictures from the Hot Springs!

Woman

“We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.” (Stasi Eldredge, Captivating)

When I was little, I love to play dress up. I remember one summer day I had the ridiculous idea of tying a bolt of dark pink bolt fabric around my neck and charging my "mighty steed" around the yard just so that I could feel like a princess, possessing strength and power, but beauty and mercy. I used to wear my hair in updos whenever I could so that I could feel elegant. 
As soon as I became old enough to be aware of this desire to be beautiful, the World had already shoved Disney Princesses (among other things) into my head, warping my sense of femininity by playing with and manipulating the hope that maybe, just maybe, my prince would come and see how lovely I was and decide he wanted to marry me. As I got older, the World then laughed at these desires and pushed short miniskirts and tight tops in my line of sight causing me to be ashamed of the sweet joy I found dressing up in long flowy skirts and clothing that spoke of gentle femininity. The romantic inside me lost the confidence to display my desires in an outward form. My longing for the beauty of the chivalry and elegance of times past was limited to staying inside me. Every once in a while I would let that part of me slip, like in the music I chose to listen to or the dresses I would pick out at stores. But all the while the little princess inside me shivered in the cold.
When I look back at these desires I had when I was a child, I realize that they are childish, but in a positive way. They weren't immature, but rather full of purity. The Bible says that unless we become like children, we will not enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:3)
The ache in my heart for a pure beauty, instilled by God, is still a valid longing in my life. Whenever I see a sunset and lift my face to its beautiful but fading light, I am reminded by its portrayal of God's light, which is unfading. When I walk in the rain, feeling its cleansing drops and smelling the earth after a rainfall, I breathe in God's holy scent and am grateful for the gift of having my sins washed away by the blood of the Lamb. I think many women forget that beauty isn't something that can be put on one's face or worn. Beauty is not something to be attained. Beauty is something that surpasses our human understanding. We were made in the image of God and we as women are evidence of God's beautiful and merciful nature. The desire for the beautiful things, the desire to be beautiful, these are good things.
Sometimes children are forced to lose parts of their innocence. It is a hard fact of life. The fear of being beautiful in a sinful world can often overcome and suffocate us, but I know that there is a reason why when I was little, veils made me feel close to God and why long, elegant dresses make me feel beautiful. The heavenly and stunning beauty of a pure and modest woman is holy and godly.  As I draw closer to the Lord, I am beginning to come back to a holier understanding of what being a woman of God really means.
The World has told us that the sexier you are, the more seductive you are, the less you wear, the more desirable you will be. They forget to tell us that the more that we do that is against God's design for our bodies and hearts, the worse we will feel. Our mouths were created to sing joyfully to the Lord, encourage unbelievers and believers alike, kiss in purity, burst forth in laughter, and to ultimately to bless. Our hands were designed to comfort, heal, and hold. Our hearts were made to love unconditionally, grieve for those who knew no love, and to draw us ever closer to God. We were created beautifully to draw others closer to the heart of Jesus and to bless others, not to make them fall. Let us embrace the mission we have been given to be beautiful and holy so as to give the World a glimpse of our dear Lord and Savior. Soli Deo Gloria!

My Reach Team:

Well, I'm here in Montana for training with Reach Youth Ministries! How very very exciting! The sessions have been bomb, Mass has been lovely, and our personal prayer time has been extremely touching. I love having the expectation of going to both Mass and having hours of prayer time each day. Before I came I had a moment of panic, wondering if I'd be spiritually up to the task of praying so much. What a silly concern! Prayer is the thing that equips us! It hasn't been easy, but it has filled me with peace and trust. Intimacy with my Lord is the most precious gift I could ever imagine...
But I wanted to share some pictures of the Reach kids. We figured out what teams we were on this last Monday and where we will be stationed for the last few months. What an awesome group of young adults! It is odd, though, being the youngest member of Reach. I don't have time to write much more, so without further ado, here are the pictures of the Reach team who will be serving in Helena, Montana!!! Solio Deo Gloria!

L to R: McKensie, Melissa, Kristen, Pat, James, Elizabeth

 

Bottino!

 On my last date with my mom before I leave for Reach, my mom had me pick out some sweet little things from one of our amazing and local coffee shops, Sharehouse.

We found a little section of the shop that had some cute mugs. Mom showed one to me and I loved it. Handpainted by a local and talented young artist, this coffee mug is one of a kind and "made with love". Bottino means treasures or booty in Italian :)

This is my newest treasure:

P.S. 

I'm leaving on Sunday for Reach. I'm all packed up and the mass of things I'm leaving are all in boxes and stored. I just said goodbye to my big bro tonight and the time I haven't been packing and organizing the last few weeks, have been spent with my family and my good friends. I've also had the incredible opportunity to be an assistant for the two weeks of volleyball training my little sister's team has been doing. What a lovely bunch of girls! I praise God for them and for how much they've welcomed not only me, but everyone in my family as well. They truly shine the light of Christ in this dark world.

Tri-Cities- I'm going to miss you bunches. 

And that's all I had to say.

The Spirit of Modesty

I have recently been pondering the issue of modesty and purity, in both younger and older Christian women, which has aroused a concern in the lack of biblical principles in Christian homes, including my own. I think many followers of Christ have abandoned high standards of dress and exchanged them for clothing that reflects current culture, justifying this through many different means. But I would like to know, what does the Bible have to say about the way we dress?

A few days ago, one of my friends asked me what I thought dressing modestly meant. My answer went something like this—dressing in a way that reflects modesty and holiness, glorifying the one who instilled those aspects of character in you. Modesty is not asking how short is too short or how low is too low. Contrary to popular belief, it isn’t a set of rules one lives by so that she can leave the house. It also isn’t dressing in a sack so as to hide her beauty. Modesty is not a pompous display of self nor is it a shameful attitude towards the natural beauty women so fully possess. Sadly, young and older ladies alike find it difficult to dress in a way that is lovely but also in a way that displays their Christian values.

The world would have us focus on physical “beauty” and putting our sexuality on display by using the clothes we wear. Clothes have become a source of identity and expression. Instead of using clothes to convey the messages the world would have us proclaim, Christians should use clothes to share the good news and to live set apart from the world. Have you ever wondered why we wear clothes in the first place? I believe that wearing modest clothing is an expression of humbleness towards God. The reason why we wear clothes can be found in the very beginning, back in Genesis. You know the story, so I’ll just sum it up real quick.

When Adam and Eve sin, they attempt to hide their shame by clothing themselves with fig leaves. After God punishes them, He provides for them real clothes made to cover their nakedness. God requires us to wear clothes and to cover ourselves. By wearing clothing, we are recognizing that we are fallen, but we are also choosing to live in obedience towards God and His expectations. There is a reason why a rebellious, wild attitude often goes hand in hand with skimpy clothing. Proverbs warns young men against women who dress like prostitutes, and instead encourages them to find women who fear the Lord, who are far more valuable than rubies. We want to be the kind of women who bring joy to our men and who honor God in all that we do, even in the way we dress! Those women who have a desire to live according to the world’s fashion standards are in danger of compromising their Christian values.

The Bible tells us that where our treasure is, there too are our hearts and that we should spend time building up eternal treasures instead of worldly ones. I’ve have seen too many young and older ladies sacrifice the pursuit of godly things for the pursuit of worldly ones. We do not want to become like the Pharisees and Scribes that Jesus admonished by calling them hypocrites who were like “…whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of bones and all uncleanness.” (Matthew 23:27b) Our focus should not be on making our outward appearances “beautiful”, but rather on continually allowing Christ to restore our inward beings, permitting our hearts, full of Christ, to shine and radiate out of us, making us truly beautiful in a worthwhile way!

With this perspective, it becomes easy to condemn physical beauty and completely opt for inner beauty. Don’t get me wrong, inner beauty is the most important, for while man judges by outside appearance, God looks on the inside. But, beauty is not to be criticized! While the Bible does say that beauty is fleeting and charm is vain, it does not condemn beauty, but rather discourages the twisted spirit of seduction as portrayed by harlots in the Bible. There are countless beautiful and godly women out there, many of whom are in the Bible! Esther, Sarah, Rachel, Judith, and Abigail are just a few of the women in the Bible who were considered beautiful. The Song of Solomon is chock full of praise of physical beauty!

God is BEAUTIFUL in His essence and we were created in His very own image and likeness, making us an embodiment of God’s life and mystery and beauty. God knit you together in your mother’s womb and was and is pleased with His beautiful masterpiece! We should praise Him for we are fearfully and wonderfully made! It is He who has made us, and not ourselves! It is important to remember that, while clothing covers us in humbleness, clothing should never be used to cover us in shame, for, not only is feminine beauty appreciated in the Bible, it is praised as well!   

How exciting that it is totally possible to be beautiful and holy! As followers of Jehovah God, we know that we were made in His image, so we should dress in a way that reflects the beauty and purity of our Savior. In a way, what you choose to wear portrays who you are. If you are a follower of God who walks in the light of salvation, you will dress like it. The clothes you wear are evidence of your conviction and beliefs.

The Bible says that the most important thing that one can wear is “the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” (1 Peter 3:4) Dressing modestly is not just covering up the body as much as possible. Modesty is the demeanor that spurs on a motivation to dress with a spirit of purity and godliness, which in itself is extremely beautiful! When we dress ourselves, we should not conform ourselves to this world, but rather we should renew our minds so that we may discern  how to dress in a way that is good and pleasing and perfect—according to God’s standards.  

Lord of Hosts

"Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Hosts, heaven and earth are full of your glory. Hosanna in the highest. Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest."
Sanctus

For a while now I have wondered what the title "Lord of Hosts" means. It was just last night that I found out the profound and beautiful meaning of this name of God. Yesterday I began to read Isaiah, and without even getting to the second chapter the name popped up and, fortunately for me, it had an asterisk. I hurriedly glanced down to the footnotes hoping that it would shed some light on my long pondered question, starting my little quest for the evening.
Before we go any further, I have to admit to something silly and embarrassing. I hadn't convinced myself that this was the truth, but I had relieved my incessant thinking about this topic by telling myself that "Lord of Hosts" meant that God was hospitable. I am sure that the dork alarm just went off in many of your brains...
What "Jehovah Sabaoth", which is of Hebrew origin, actually means is that He is the Creator and Ruler of the angelic armies or heavenly hosts, and the Sovereign Lord and Commanding General of all.  Sabaoth means armies. The name that I thought meant that God was a friendly housekeeper is actually a name of power and authority and might. How very wrong I was! And how encouraging to be on the side of He who is valiant and strong. It reminds me of the line from Chronicles of Narnia when one of the children asks the beavers if Aslan is safe. Mr Beaver replies, "Safe?...Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” 

His Glorious Plan, My Joyful Surrender

Relationships are a beautiful thing: the pain, the joy, the growth that is produced by them. Many of you know that I have had the blessing of being in a courtship with Isaac. I could tell you about all the prayer that went into it and how much I grew in the relationship, but I have some news that may be sad :(
While I was at FASA, I continued to pray about and for our relationship. It took me by surprise when I began to feel very conflicted about my readiness to enter into marriage within the next few years. After much prayer (and tears!), I decided that I am not at point right now where I would be able to get married in the near future, which made continuing our courtship purposeless. So last night I broke the news to him. It wasn't easy for either of us, but we both have faith in the fact that the Lord knows what He is doing. Praise God!
So this is all fine and dandy, but what I really want to talk about is the importance of sexual purity in relationships. Through Christ's grace, Isaac and I maintained a very pure, both emotionally and physically, relationship. We are moving on from this relationship with more blessing in our lives, rather than regret or shame, and with our hearts intact. I cannot stress the importance of reserving everything for your future spouse!  I'm not saying that Isaac and I didn't care about each other, but rather it is because we cared that we maintained actions that spoke of an attitude of sacrificial Christian love. Galatians 5:13 says, "For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." This is a principle that we maintained and I would encourage others to also adopt! We grew in holiness and purity and closeness with Christ because of our relationship.
 So my dear friends, "...flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22)
I have no idea what the Lord is wanting me to do in the future, but I have confidence that He will guide my path. He has never abandoned me or not provided for me. Thank you Lord for my time with Isaac and thank you so very much for my time with you as a single lady :) Whether single or dating or engaged or married or widowed or even as a nun, let my heart always belong wholly to you so that I may serve you all my days! Even though I walk alone, I am assured that my singleness with you is more fullfilling and overflowing in joy and comfort than anything and everything without you. Teach me, my Lord. My heart is yours.

Solio Deo Gloria!

Tidbit of Thought & Thanks

Well, I'm back from Nashville and I feel caught between two worlds. Nashville seemed like home, almost as though I had been there for forever, but then there are moments I feel as though FASA never even happened. Perhaps I should give myself a few more days to re-enter into my normal life...
How can I describe my time of wonder and learning at the Fine Arts Summer Academy? I can't do FASA justice with my words. I've come away with so many wonderful things. My time in Music City was unforgettable. I met so many amazing people, learned so very much, and grew in unexpected ways. I also discerned some things that weren't and are still not easy to deal with. Things that are breaking my little heart, though I still live in the joy of the Lord because of the knowledge and reassurance I have of being in accordance with God and His plan. Brothers and Sisters, please pray for me that I will lean on the Lord to give me strength and courage to do what I must.
On a lighter note, I had a blast in Nashville. I got to perform in the Grand Ole Opry with a plethora of insanely talented Christian musicians. Though I have no true desire to be rich and famous and recognized (though it is fun to joke about :) I do wonder how many of these wonderful kids will soon be on their way to worldly stardom. I can only pray for them that they will continue to give the glory to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus.
One idea that is really going to continually help and form me in my pursuit of excellence in music, is the belief of using music to minister to the audience. This may sound extremely juvenile, but I thought it was a profound idea. For the past two years, I've used music as a way to get closer to God, for my own purpose of drawing myself towards Him. This is most certainly not bad, it is beautiful, but I believe God is calling me to take my music a step further. From now on when I get on stage or when I sing, I will be giving the world a glimpse of His glory and love. My voice and music should be an act of service to the audience, done out of love for God and out of a desire to show His love to His children. One of my voice teachers at camp said that when I go out to perform, I need to see myself as someone wrapping a towel around my waist so as to wash the feet of my audience. That stunned me. To put it quite bluntly, I've often been using my voice to further my kingdom, not His. The same voice teacher told me, in all love and gentleness, that my performance was NOT about me. At a different time, another voice teacher sat down next to me pouring encouragement and conviction into me. "Elizabeth, see these opportunities as Jesus coming to your door with a dozen of roses. Don't shove the flowers into a closet! Put them in a vase in the middle of the room!" Dear Michelle and Miss Renita: thank you for taking the time to mentor me and speak truth into my life. Those few minutes you took to set me straight made FASA lifechanging for me. They were truly powerful and I will never forget the love you showed me.
Isn't it interesting how spending ten minutes with a person can totally change his or her life? I only hope that I was able to, through the Lord's prompting, encourage and challenge the other students at FASA in the same way that the mentors challenged and encouraged me.

Soli Deo Gloria!