Trusting in His Plan

I suppose I haven't written for a while. So very many life-changing events have taken place in just a week! On May 19th my commitment with Reach Youth ministry was over and I left for home. On the 21st I left my teen years behind me and stepped into my twenties. Scary. And also pretty great :) Being home has been really nice. It's pretty high charged here energy level wise, but less charged than the Reach house! I've spent my week here relaxing, painting, organizing, decorating my living space, throwing stuff out, hanging out with my fish, my dog, my little sister's snail, and our bees, soaking up vitamin D, and applying for jobs. Oh. I forgot. I've been reunited once again with my long lost love, Dutch Brothers Coffee. It's so nice to be back together again :)
Music has also been taking up much of my time each day. I am excitedly preparing for FASA, learning new songs, attempting to heave myself up skill levels on guitar and piano, playing for money (!!!), and preparing to step into the role as youth band director at one of the parishes come this August. Reach has prepared me well for leading focused and meaningful worship confidently, but I’ve never directed a group before so it will certainly be a new experience.
I’m not sure what God is planning on doing. The state I’m in is a sort of a limbo. I have so many crazy dreams and ideas and plans that I’ll do someday. Part of me is hurriedly pushing for me to start working again, to be busy, to be occupied, but another part of me wishes I could just enjoy what I have now. I’ve been getting to spend so much time with my little sister Rebecca lately and if I had a job, I wouldn’t have as much time to hang out with her. I wouldn’t have showed her who Little Orphan Annie is, or taught her how to play mousetrap, or helped her with her reading lessons or painting. I guess there is a large fragment of my heart that longs to stay home and write the music that is constantly on my tongue and in my ear, and complete my craft ideas that constantly overwhelm my mind, and sit in the warm breeze, and read all the books I’ve been too busy to read while traveling with Reach. It is hard to be grown up after a few years. I certainly didn’t think I’d ever hit age twenty. Yet here I am. It isn’t like I have no purpose or ambition in life, I just haven’t received direction on where I’m supposed to go yet. I just thought of this verse: “’For I know the plans I have for you’, says the Lord. ‘Plans for prosperity and not for harm.’”

How encouraging that I just have to be receptive to His plan for me, that I don’t have to worry about things not working out or blah blah blah because He plans on my life being prosperous and has no plans to harm me. There are still those moments when I am paralyzed by fear that I will hate God’s surprise plan for me or that He’ll give me a vocation that I will hate, but in all reality, those are lies from satan. How silly to think that God would want to impose misery on me! Living in His plan and intimately close to Him is the only thing that can satisfy my soul and put me truly at rest. He did not instill desires in my soul just to leave them unfulfilled, though there may be some in my heart that may not be from Him. He doesn’t give us dreams just to ask us to throw them away, put them to no use, and feel wretched. No! He builds and nourishes these dreams in us and rejoices in them! He will not leave us orphaned or forsaken. Let us allow God to nourish His dreams in us and to not be held back by fear or doubt any longer. Amen.

Only One Way

Reading for the Fourth Sunday of Easter, May 11th, 2014.

“Then Peter stood up with the Eleven,
raised his voice, and proclaimed:
‘Let the whole house of Israel know for certain
that God has made both Lord and Christ,
this Jesus whom you crucified.’

Now when they heard this, they were cut to the heart,
and they asked Peter and the other apostles,
‘What are we to do, my brothers?’”

We've all had moments in which we find conviction in our hearts. In this week’s first reading, we find the Elevenapostles on the day of Pentecost as Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, preaches boldly about Jesus’ resurrection and how Jesus is the Messiah. He doesn’t beat around the bush in saying that it was the Jews who crucified and killed the One that generations of Jews had been waiting for. Instead of denying or blaming, when the Jews hear this, Peter’swords penetrates their hearts of stone. They give up their legalism and surrender to the good news.

A constant theme we see in the Gospels is many people attempting to receive a reward reserved for those who follow Jesus, but without actually following Him or going by His rules. They try to sneak into it and make up their own rules. In my life, I have met many people who believe they are righteous because they never kneel with their rears touching the pew or because of their intense family regulations. I’m not saying that I have never been prideful or legalistic in my faith, because sadly I have been. Most of the time, the regulations I make up for myself aren’t even in line with or from God’s teachings! What I am saying is that this overly religious approach to our faith is unnecessary and harmful. Jesus wants our hearts, not our rules. Jesus says in this week's Gospel, “’Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever does not enter a sheepfold through the gate but climbs over elsewhere is a thief and a robber…I am the gate for the sheep… Whoever enters through me will be saved…’”

If we think we can gain access to the green pastures without Jesus we are dead wrong. To search for fulfillment in the arms of worldly things is a vain pursuit. Jesus warns the Pharisees of this dangerous mindset and cautions them to go through the right way and not cheat or finagle their way through. When we try to obtain joy, peace, love, success, and ultimately fulfillment, on our own with our own power, we seriously miss out on a beautiful gift. The shepherd longs to have us enter into his fold so that He can lead us to peaceful waters and right paths. “The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want.”

Joyful relationship with Christ begins with the rending of our hearts and the recognition of our sin. It starts when we give up the traits that make us like thieves and robbers and recognize our desperate need for Jesus. When Peter spoke, those who listened with open hearts received a gift- the gift of conviction- and responded with courage. They then accepted the good news of salvation in Christ and believed in the Messiah they'd been waiting for for so many generations.

This decision to allow Jesus to enter into and change their lives didn’t just end with them. Peter encourages them that this message, this new life, is for them and their children. He tells them that the Shepherd came for the whole flock and for whoever would accept it. When I read this, it encouraged me to delve into discipleship and to not stop with hearing the good news, but to let my life be changed and illuminated by the light of Christ and then to go into my various communities, friendships, acquaintances and shine for them to see Jesus. That day of Pentecost, about three thousand people became followers of Christ. Can you imagine if each of us prayed for the Holy Spirit to anoint us with a spirit of evangelization? Can you imagine if we allowed God to penetrate our hearts so that He could heal our legalism? Can you imagine if we had no fear to share the light that illuminates our hearts?

Come Holy Spirit! Come fill the hearts of your people!

(If you’d like to look at the Readings in whole, check out http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/051114.cfm).